Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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