do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The adults are the big ones right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
