it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
