I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
