Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
