shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
