im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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