So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He felt like a one man threesome
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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