He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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