i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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