On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
