At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
