he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
try to milk me bitch
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