Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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