yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
