So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
