I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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