This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
