I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
