so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Holy shit dude........stairs
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
