He kissed a someone with a penis
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
