his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
