you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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