giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
