i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
