meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize