So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
