I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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