oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
