It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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