hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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