New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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