I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
