My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize