Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
