You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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