you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
