i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
