The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
