There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
