Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
