Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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