you turned your livingroom into a bong?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
