I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Vodka?
Forever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
