Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
