Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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