I showed him my bush... on skype.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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