where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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