I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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