i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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