I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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