You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
