Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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