His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
