She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
