I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
