i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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