I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
