oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
