i permit you to call me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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