and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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