Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
