remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
