Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
