you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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