Got a toothbrush?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
