Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
