Your mouth is God's brothel.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize